Sunday, February 03, 2008

Other interesting happenings

There are a few other reasons I've not been blogging recently. I've been looking for a summer job, but now have no idea what I'm doing. My roommate informed me earlier this week that she'll be moving out in June when our lease is up. She's moving closer to her campus, within walking distance, but ... last time i lived alone, I was a wreck. I was very depressed, cried daily, felt useless, and did not enjoy the summer of '07 at all. Now, I realize that part of that was because I was living in a new city, where I knew no one. I had a job I hated...in September I plan to return to my job for a wonderful 2nd year. I was lonely...and I can't guarantee myself that it won't happen again if I have to live alone. I am SO scared of what the summer brings. :( I do not want to have a sad, lonely summer like the last one. I refuse. However, I am running out of options. I cannot afford a 1 Bedroom apartment by myself...i do not know anyone who needs or wants a roommate.

I know I need to trust God...I'm just having issues!

Options I've come up with:

1. Move to a 1 BR, live alone, have less money than I have now, and possibly be depressed...

2. Move in with my parents for the summer, save money...but would I still be able to afford a 1 BR in the fall?

3. Find a roommate that I don't know and risk it.

4. Live with my grandma or another relative, save money, and continue w/ option #2.

5. Move somewhere totally different and start all over...but I love my job, and have made friends here...

Ugh!

In other news, I had a fun week outside of jury duty. On Tuesday evening I attended a young adult group, the one that I'm going to Belize with. We were supposed to listen to live music at a local bar, but it ended up that the music didn't begin until 9:30 or 10...some of us that had to work early the next morning stayed for a few hours to chat and then went home.

On Friday night, some of the same gals I hung out with on Tuesday were going to see 27 Dresses and invited me to come along. I have issues with being invited places, mostly because of things that happened when I was a teenager. When i was younger, my sister and I had a group of "friends" I dubbed the 3 Musketeers. These three girls were good friends, and then my family moved to town. We all home schooled at the time, and in our small community, two of the girls lived within 1/2 mile of us. The other lived about 15 minutes away but was always in our neighborhood visiting. Moving had been hard on my family, so my sister and I, 12 and 11 years of age at the time, naturally were trying to fit in. We attended the same church as the 3 Musks, took many of the same classes, and just wanted to be invited on their trips to get ice cream, or go to the swimming pool, etc. I cannot tell you how many times we were told at church "We'll call you to tell you the details" and then none of them would call. Over and over and over this would happen. My mom stressed the need for us to find new friends, but for some reason we (and especially me) just kept going back, hoping the girls would magically include us in their plans. I remember one Sunday in particular, a few years later. It was a Sunday afternoon, and the 3 Musks decided to go for ice cream. They didn't really "invite" us, but we were standing in the same circle and ran off to ask our parents if we could walk to the ice cream parlor with them. Less than 5 minutes later, we had permission from our parents and skipped out to the church parking lot to join them. Guess what? They had left...without us, without a thought of us. That afternoon I sobbed in my room for hours. It was the breaking point for me and from then on have had a hard time with friends and commitment. I hate, hate, HATE the fact that over 10 years later this still affects my life.

Because of all of the Three Musketeers drama, I sadly still feel the need to "check up on" invitations... i hate it, but am SO afraid of being rejected yet again. The girls on Tuesday had my phone number, but by Thursday morning I hadn't heard whether the movie was on or not. I emailed the young adult leader, not even mentioning the movie. His wife was one of the ones planning to attend the movie, and when he wrote back he mentioned that his wife said to tell me the movie was on. That evening, I decided to call her since I didn't know what time the movie was, or where they were planning to go. She replied that she was waiting to hear from another girl before the plans were made official and that she'd email me the details. Whew...but, would I get the email, or be "forgotten" once again? The fear was back. Being relatively new in this town, I've made a few friends but am still trying to break my way in. Less than two hours later, and email informing me of the time and place of the movie was in my Inbox and i was extremely relieved. The following evening I arrived early at the theater and sat on a bench, reading a book. As time passed, the fear of rejection arrived yet again. The weather hadn't been the greatest all day, and what if they had decided to cancel and forgotten to let me know? What if I was at the wrong theater? Twenty minutes later, I sat in the theater between four new friends. Friends who had thought to invite me, email me the details, and find me once they got to the theater. Friends who remembered I was invited, and talked to me throughout the movie...friends that hopefully will stay in my life for a long, long, time and not earn the title "Four Musketeers"!

And then last night...oh my gosh, how fun! My roommate invited one of her friends from school over for dinner and playing the Wii. Lita owns one and we've been trying to have her over for a while now. Lindsey (Shayna's friend) and I hadn't ever played the Wii before, and we had a blast. A few years ago, i would have dreamed of doing karaoke, even in front of friends, but I got off my high horse and did it anyway. Would you believe I had fun??? We played bowling (right up my alley, LOL!), tennis (I enjoyed this one), golf (I was good at it), and boxing (my arms hurt!) as well as dancing and the karaoke. We laughed so hard we almost cried, looked like idiots, and had a blast!

In closing,
Funny keywords people use to find my blog:

~ Nosey Flynn Facebook
~ Stocking paradise
~ Dating my vbs (what the heck??)
~ Bethany is 20 and comes from Derbyshire (??)
~Deserted island birth order (huh?)
~Hercules soundtrack download
~Buy with credit card nightmare on elm street ringtone (I have no idea!)
~A person on a roller coaster

Haha...

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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Comments warmly welcomed! :-)