Saturday, April 05, 2008

The Woman In Church

When I lived with my parents during my last semester of college, and for a few months following graduation, I would typically choose to attend Saturday evening Mass as opposed to Sunday morning with my family.

After a few weeks of doing this, I noticed a woman. She came every Saturday night, same as me. She stayed just for Mass, and then left, same as me. Still, she was just one of those people that I noticed.

This evening, I went to Mass with most of my family because we are heading to Michigan for Shae's art show tomorrow.

Guess who was there?

Yes...this same woman. As soon as she walked in, I knew I'd have a rough time concentrating during Mass, as I always seem to observe her antics during the service. My brother and his friend Scott also noticed her, and a few times during Mass we had to try not to laugh.

Imagine a woman, I don't know how old. Her face doesn't LOOK old, She has no wrinkles, but wears clothes (a housedress, or light brown colored wide pants with a flamboyant, flowery top tucked into the pants) that suggest she's 60 or 70.

Her hair is always 1/2 way complete, curlers in parts but not others. It looks very unkempt, to say the least.

Before I say anymore, I know this woman has a mental issue. I don't know what, but it's there. And I'm not trying to make fun of her, but find her intriguing.

She sits on the left hand side, towards the front, every time. She walks in, she sits down, and then looks around...again...and again. While looking around, if she catches someone's eye, she smirks. That, in itself, can be distracting. Add to that the fact that during the 1 hour Mass, she uses hand sanitizer at least 5 times. During the readings, you hear snap! as she opens her purse, click! opening the sanitizer, click!, snap! During the homily? same thing. Before the sign of peace? Again. After the sign of peace? Before and after Communion?? Yep, yep, yep!!

Oh, and that's not all.

She laughs. In a silent, but smirky, deadly way. For about 2 seconds-- and then, abruptly, she stops. And looks VERY serious. And then laughs again, you get the idea.

During the homily today, she was very carefully highlighting every word of the bulletin. Highlight one word. Stop. Look around. Laugh. Look serious. Highlight...

And to top it all off?

She took a swigs of cough syrup straight from the bottle multiple times during Mass.

2 comments:

  1. Hey, just passing by...man this lady sounds like a hoot. As an avid people watcher,I have a hard enough concentrating in church with your average run of the mill kind of people...I don't think I'd be able to take my eyes OFF this lady!!!

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  2. Wow- she does sound odd. I love to watch people, so I know I would be distracted by her too.

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