Monday, September 22, 2008

Being Single vs. Married

As I was falling asleep last night, I recalled a conversation I recently had with Aniya. We were on a 2 hour drive from Big City to another BC in our state and had lots of time to talk and catch up.

One of the topics that randomly came up was that of being single (and not dating) vs. being married and which was is "harder". Truthfully, I don't think the two of us will see eye to eye on the topic, at least not for a while.

She has been married for three years, and tells me that it's hard, really hard. I get that, kind of. But you know what else? I will be 24 in February and have NEVER dated. I have been on ONE date my entire life, and that was with a guy from speed dating who was very nice but money-oriented and a non-practicing Hindu so it's not going to go anywhere.

So yes, I get that being married is hard. However, not knowing that you'll ever find me, that is harder.

All I have ever wanted to "be" is a wife and mother. EVER. Some days, I'm fine with being single. Other days, when I see families out participating in apple picking, corn mazes, and enjoying themselves at festivals, with the chill of a hint of fall in the air, I feel discouraged. So very discouraged. I just want to hold hands with a man I love, cuddle a baby of my own close, and feel loved.

Is that too much to ask? Why is it that I'm stuck back in single-land, while 99% of my friends are married or engaged and most have a baby either on the way, or in their arms? Is it too much to ask even for a dating relationship, as I see two of my younger siblings dating and moving ever closer to marriage?

I work in a school...outside of school, I hang out with my friends. We're not bar hoppers, so where am I going to meet anyone? I tried the speed dating, the online dating. I am not a flirty- bar type. I hang out at bookstores and library, like to take walks, and travel. What the flip is wrong with me?

"Oh, you'll find someone soon..." say my married, happy engaged friends. "Just wait, he will come" say my parents and relatives. "Stop looking and then he'll be there" say the supportive friends. Guess what? I'm not LOOKING. Is it in the back of my mind? Yes. But when I go out to the grocery store or church, my thought is not of "meeting someone." Doesn't that qualify as "not looking"? Well, then I've been doing that for years!!

I'm not trying to sound negative, but this is how I've been feeling about the situation lately. Just down.

The grass is always greener.


  1. Not to be on repeat - but it will happen when it's supposed to. Just be yourself, do the things you do, and you will find the right person. There's nothing wrong with you!

    Don't feel a need to rush. Rushing... can mean mistakes. Not everyone who gets married so young is happy.

    (And for the record I think marriage is EASY)

    *big hugs*

  2. Oh Bethany, I'd have a hard time seeing eye-to-eye with your friend, too.

    While I agree being married IS hard work, I think there's comfort in knowing that (at least in a faithful Christian marriage) you know WHO your spouse is, and what you're working FOR. And again with Christian, the power of a couple praying together is powerful.

    This post makes me thing of a close friend of mine (also an FUS graduate). She really didn't date anyone while we were in college, and she didn't have great luck meeting guys after. But she DID meet someone, and of course today they're married. She and I often had conversations like this.

    The grass is always greener, but Bethany, you give so much to God, I know He won't ignore you. I think what He has for you to do right now is so important, He knows it's best done while you're still single. And while I know being at Steubenville can make you feel OLD not being married right after graduation, 24 is still YOUNG. Remember that. FUS IS a bubble in many ways. This time for you is invaluable, too.

    Mega hugs. I understand you're feelings completely. I'm excited for both your present time and your future.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Comments warmly welcomed! :-)