Monday, April 27, 2009

Jealousy


I struggle a LOT with jealousy, especially in regard to my siblings. I always have, and I know it's bad. All three of my "dating age" siblings are now dating, and the jealousy flares its head once again, especially when it comes to one of my siblings. Being barely a year apart in age, you'd think that we would be best friends...not so. I wish, though...that would be so neat!

Since we were homeschooled for middle & high school, we took a bunch of the same classes. She *always* did better than I did.

In college, I worked so hard and never made it to the Dean's List. She did, every semester.

She has a great group of friends from college. Some days, lately, I feel like I have no friends.

She's rolling in the dough at her sales job, due to super duper lowwwwww rent. I'm barely making ends meet, especially so after my roommate moved out.

She has a boyfriend, I do not.

And on and on it goes.

Earlier this weekend, we were sitting at our youngest sisters' play when she told me her boyfriend was coming for a week-long visit. I just replied something along the lines of "Oh... who bought him a ticket to come?"

When she said, "His dad and I split it", I about lost it. Then she continued with, "Come on, I haven't seen him in five months!"

And it's true, she hasn't. I should have said, "Oh, it's wonderful that you two get to spend time together!!!!!!" and been happy for her.

But. No. What I said was, "Oh...yea...it's been 24 years for me."

I'm such a jerk. I hate it.

10 comments:

  1. Maybe it would help to make a list of what you do have to be grateful for. I bet there are things your sister is jealous of you about. It's all about perspective :)

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  2. You are NOT a jerk!
    You're not you're not you're not.

    I can relate to the jealousy thing. I am a jealous person, too.
    Remember, though, the grass is always greener.
    You are independent and thriving on your own, while budgeting off a teacher's salary. THAT is a lot to respect, and I'm sure people, esp your family, see it.

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  3. There is always jelousy I think among family and even friends. By the time I was 24 I had a 4 year old and was just finishing college behind all my other classmates from High school. Everything came later for me and there are times when I was so jealous that even non-family members were so happy in their care free life and doing great.Hang in there! From reading your blog you seem like a great person with lot's of reasons to shine.. I am sure they are jealous of you too..You just don't know this 8-)

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  4. It's okay, everybody is like that some of the time! And soon your life is going to get even better, and then you'll know there's no need to be jealous of other people.

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  5. You aren't a jerk...it's only natural to have some degree of jealousy.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog.

    Cool name. :)

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  6. I LOVE the name of your blog!

    I think it is great that you can analyze yourself - makes you a nice normal person and it sure seems to me like you are doing great!

    Holly

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  7. My sister and I had this type of relationship. It will get better.

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  8. It happens to the best of us! I still find myself feeling like this about my 2 younger sisters. Don't be too hard on yourself!

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  9. You're totally not a jerk. I absolutely have my moments of jealousy, and my sister is 10 freaking years older than me. At her wedding, my future husband (then boyfriend) and I were going through a rough patch, so I had a really hard time being happy for her when my love life seemed to be going all wrong.

    PS - I'm passing through from SITS, you were the roll caller before me today. :)

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  10. Bethany,

    Just wanted to let you know that I've left a couple of awards for you on my blog! congrats!

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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Comments warmly welcomed! :-)