Sunday, April 18, 2010

Singleness

I have had some very interesting conversations with my friends lately regarding being single. I'm 25 and have never dated anyone...I've gone on very few dates. It has nothing to do with not wanting to date/marry but rather just that I haven't met the right people to date nor do I have good ideas on how to meet people. 

That said, I will be attending a wedding of one of my sisters soon- maybe even in this calendar year. With that comes pressure from people wanting to know why I'm not dating/married. Lots.of.pressure.

Anyway, these talks have been so interesting! Most of my friends from high school/college are married, but I've been able to find a few people around BC who I am blessed to call friends- and they are single too. Most of them are older than me by 10+ years so they come from all walks of life. Some have barely dated, like me. Some have been engaged but never made it to the altar. We're all different with various pasts/stories but we are single. 

One of my friends shared with me a website called singleness.org. More interestingly, we read together an article from the website on God's perspective on singleness. I found it really interesting- some of my favorite points/sayings from that article and another I came across:

"Singleness is a total curse in my life. All of my friends have someone. My church is geared towards families. If you are not part of a couple you are not invited anywhere. You are a total misfit. I feel like a total freak. I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!"
All I have to say to this is I completely sympathize. 

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An important thing that God shows us from His high tower is that marriage is only a thing of this earth and it is temporary. Marriage ends at the death of one of the marriage partners and does not continue in heaven.

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Marriage should not be one's ultimate goal in life or it becomes an idol.

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There is a danger with the multitude of matchmaking web sites, the multitude of books and programs on marriage and the family, and comments by friends and relatives implying one should get married, that results in our putting too much emphasis on marriage rather than on Jesus.


7 comments:

  1. Breath of fresh air. The "kind" comments get old... I don't want to hear why I'm too pretty/smart/sweet or whatever to not have anyone yet. Because, let's face it, that implies there's some secret thing so wrong with me that all those pros can't make up for it.

    Thank you for reminding the single (AND attached) of a different perspective. :-)

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  2. this old married woman (16+ yrs) - wants you to enjoy your singleness - all in good time as they say. It isn't all roses...

    I recently noticed that many of my former classmates on Facebook do not appear to be married and many have not had kids....I was surprised to see this but they do not seem any less happy :-)

    Believe me, you need to enjoy this time!!!

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  3. Amen! God has us all if different seasons of life for a reason and while marriage is a blessing it's not the end all be all!

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  4. Such a great reminder. I desperately want a family, but want the lords will even more. And on that day, at His throne, we will all be beautiful brides girl! I'll see you there!!

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  5. Don't worry, if you do get married, it will be questions about something else (why haven't you had kids yet, etc.). There will always be someone asking the wrong question.

    You have been able to do so many things that someone in a "couple" may not have been as adventuresome to do. You will cherish this later, believe me. Enjoy you! You are a great person! You will meet someone when the time is right.

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  6. Did my comment show up? I seem to be having blogger comment issues.

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  7. Pam from Pam's Perspective sent me a link to your blog post...I'm so glad she shared!

    I'm where you are...27 and have been single and dateless for more years than I'd like to count. I'm thankful that I don't have a lot of pressure in my life...I think it helps that most of the people I know KNOW that I want to be married.

    One thing that has helped me get a better perspective on my singleness is that marriage is not a permanent state. Walking down the aisle doesn't guarantee lasting marriage (widowhood, and sadly, divorce, happen) and certainly gives no real promise of happiness (I just read yesterday that a poll found that married people on average are a tenth of point happier than single people on an 11-point scale...hardly a difference).

    God will give you (and me) the grace to handle singleness as long as He allows it in our lives...and hopefully a greater recognition of it as GIFT.

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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Comments warmly welcomed! :-)