Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Unsure

I want to document this time in my life so I can look back later and tell myself, “Look, you got through it! You found something new…something better!”

That is why I write lately. Goodness knows it’s not anything fun or earth shattering, but it’s my life and I choose to document it the way I see it.

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Care Bear and I were at the zoo exploring yesterday morning. Before we’d even entered the main gates, I ran into one of my former students and his mom. I really get along well with his mom and it was great to see them, but after explaining that Care Bear was my nannying charge, her next question was how long I was nannying for. I told her into September and she questioned, “Aren’t you returning to the school?”

BAM.

This past weekend I took my younger sisters to the pool up the road. Family friends are the owners but only a widowed mom lives there now. She and I have always talked at length when we see each other, but it had easily been a few years. As we were catching up, she asked how my job at the school was going.

BAM.

At my younger sister’s play, the electricity went out in the whole town just ten minutes into the show. As I waited with my dad outside for the electricity to return, one of my old psuedo-friends showed up. It was good to see her, that I cannot deny. She recently graduated from nursing school and, last she knew, I was teaching.

BAM.

It’s happening a lot lately. I am just going about my day, enjoying summer with Claire or family/friends, and it all comes rushing back. Jessa, school, my former boss. My coworkers, the kids I love.

BAM.

It’s a physical pain when the “BAM” moment happens.
It hurts.
It makes me sad.
and I’m still trying to recover from it all.

BAM.

8 comments:

  1. Thanks for visiting my blog! Sounds like you are in the midst of change. Scary and exciting all at the same time. Keep us informed!

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  2. So sorry to hear this , sweetie. The Bam moments will pass, I'm sure. Your YAY moments are on their way.

    ((hugs)) and have a nice day.

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  3. Oh no :-( sorry to hear it keeps coming up and bringing back memories; try to find some distractions to keep your mind occupied on things that make you happy :-)

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  4. HUGS.

    I know you're a tough cookie, and it's good you can share this here. Each phase of life seems to bring some mourning, even if the change was needed or good.
    Good is coming.
    And I know that even in all of your BAM-ness right now, I know you still have some good in the present, too.

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  5. I know this is rough for you and I understand what you are going through. When my grandmother passed away a couple of weeks ago, all of the family members that I haven't seen in years asked "What are you doing now?" BAM!

    We have to keep our heads up and know that something is going to happen! We will be where we are supposed to be!

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  6. Such a well-written post - I hope it gets better soon!

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  7. pretty soon it's gonna be BAM BAM BAM in a good way. you will be glad to have this post to remind you to bask in the celebration of it all!

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  8. Experiencing the lows, helps you appreciate the highs. Your time will come. Trust yourself.

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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Comments warmly welcomed! :-)