Thursday, August 19, 2010

Once Again



I babysat up by my (former) school last night. I still haven't been able to drive by the school. It's just too painful, I guess. 

On Monday, my (former) school has their annual staff meeting. For the first time in four years, I won't be present. Someone else will take my spot in my classroom. I told my roommate, my (former) coworker, not to replace me. Or forget me. I was half joking...and half not. 

The mom that I babysat for last night told me she was concerned about calling me regarding babysitting so close to the new school year, because she knew I was trying to get my classroom ready and was having meetings. I had to tell her I'm not going back. I had to recount, yet again, why that is. 

I had a feeling that the whole not-going-back thing was going to hit me much harder at the end of the summer, when my (former) coworkers and students would be heading back to school, without me. 
Unfortunately, it seems I was right. 
It's really, really hitting me.
I miss them.
I miss it.


5 comments:

  1. :-(

    most likely, this is the worst of it. which doesn't necessarily make it better, but hopefully will give you a glimmer of hope.

    and there will be hurt there for awhile. for the LONGEST time i had a pang in my heart every time i drove past the exit i used to work on...then it was just the entrance to the neighborhood...then a couple of months ago i was asked to babysit in the neighborhood, and happily accepted.

    it is what it is.
    you're not going to NOT miss something that was such a part of you
    but you're also not going to let that loss define you
    i know you better than that :)

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  2. It's natural to miss your coworkers and students, but just keep reminding yourself about why you left. You know it was the right decision. My guess is this will get easier as time passes. Hang in there.

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  3. Hang in there! You made the right decision.

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  4. not sure if my comment went through since I was distracted by the ringing of the doorbell

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  5. I am an awful ruminator too. You made the best decision for you at the time. Maybe you need to add some more distrations to keep your mind off things - like hanging out at that Big Bang place :)

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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Comments warmly welcomed! :-)