Friday, January 07, 2011

Protocol

My roommate said something yesterday about sending thank you cards. At first I thought she meant for students who gave her Christmas gifts but then I realized she meant for people who have offered condolences after her dad died. She was asking me who she should send them to and I had absolutely no clue. For now, we settled on the people who sent gifts…she got some flowers sent to the funeral, a few candles, plants, etc. What about people who just sent cards? She got a LOT of those… then she thought to send them to my old co-worker and boss who attended the calling hours, which I think makes sense too. When she asked if she should send one to me, I laughed and then asked why, since I didn’t send her anything. She said because I went to the funeral and all…lol. I said, well I live with you so I don’t think that’s necessary. Plus, she thanked me for going when I was up there. She probably doesn’t remember that. Anyway…thoughts?

6 comments:

  1. I know a lot of people who send thank you's after receiving something; flowers, memorial donation in family member's name, dinner for the family, gift baskets, etc. I don't think she has to thank everyone she got a card from or was at the funeral, unless she wants to. It might help her to send thank you's to everyone, as closure, but it may not. I'd say she should do whatever she feels up to. I think most people would understand.

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  2. I just wanted to write and say it's a good question, one that I don't know the answer to. Luckily for me, I hvaen't had to give it any thought, as I'm sure most people don't until they have a close family member pass away. I would search online for "etiquette" topics and I'm sure you'll find the answer. I agree w/ Stevie that she should do whatever feels right to her & with those kinds of gifts, I don't think people do it with expectations of a thank you.

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  3. I've received thank you cards for attending a wake and paying respects for a funeral. I don't think it's necessary, and completely understandable if one does NOT send them out. Personally, I would though at least for gifts received.

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  4. I don't remember my family every sending out thank you cards for such a time, but if it is something that is going to help her process and heal I think it is really sweet. I would simply say there is no protocol. She should simply do what she is led to do and send to those she wants to thank.

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  5. If I was her, I'd only send cards to those who gave something, or perhaps did something that especially meant something.

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  6. I think Steven's dad sent thank yous to everyone, even those who sent cards, when his wife passed away in September. I don't think that is necessary though. I wouldn't expect a card at all.

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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Comments warmly welcomed! :-)